About

Free association is a word game in which it's impossible to plan ahead. Each step leads directly from the one before it, and can even surprise the player, arising as it does from somewhere deeper and quicker than reason.

The way I am choosing to live my life right now is one step at a time. This is a conscious choice. It's an experiment. It's an exercise. It's a creative adventure.

This blog is really for me. The idea is to record the steps as they happen, like a sportscaster or real-time news, rather than smoothing them out in retrospect. I'm going to smooth out the most recent few steps and then begin recording as I go. At least, that's what I think I'm going to do. I can never be sure.

Friday, June 28, 2013

A false start and a gift

I wish I'd posted a few days ago.  Here's what I might have said:

Transportation and lodging all arranged to go to Lourdes and help clean up after the flooding, then continue on to Lyon and to the mountains.  I'm excited and looking forward to being on the move again, active and engaged.

Then the next post would have said this:

Well, the best laid plans!  Looks like I'm not going to volunteer, after all.  I called the hotline again today and they said there are actually too many people, and if I'm planning to come just for that, don't bother.  I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me, and I feel frustrated when I think of the hours I spent figuring out how to get myself there.  Well, better to find out now.

Currently:
I'm still planning to go watercolor.  Until then, I'll just hang out in Paris (oh, shucks!) and maybe spend a little less time doing introspective writing and trying to figure out my life, and a little more time enjoying the fact that it's summer and I'm in Paris.

A gift:
Last night I was given the chance to open for my friend's jazz trio and vocal jazz group at a local wine bar.  She sang superbly.  I think I sang okay--I was mainly glad I didn't get super nervous and fall apart.  Music is an area of my life I'm actively expanding, and this was a really nice stepping stone.  I need a lot more practice with microphones, with being in front of people, with confronting the tide of doubt and self-critical thoughts that creep in if I let them and ruin my singing and my fun.

Now I'm off to take her out to birthday lunch and say thank you.
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2 comments:

  1. Michael5000June 29, 2013 at 3:54 PM

    You sang in a club? Damn! You say it kind of casually -- have you "sung out" before, outside of a choir?

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    Replies
    1. HeatherbeeJune 29, 2013 at 4:12 PM

      It was really just a little wine bar, not a club. The basement of a rather small venue. But you're right, I haven't really sung "out" before, save once at an open mic, so it was rather exciting. I was less nervous than singing a song at my friend's wedding dinner a couple of weeks ago, when I almost couldn't play the chords because my hands were shaking. Baby steps.

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